S5:E9 A Matter of Time

Get ready, Trekkers - we're about to do some good ol' fashioned TIME TRAVELING.

We just need to get the Enterprise to 88 MPH!

Synopsis: So, the crew is on their way to Penthara IV, a planet where the Federation dumped a colony of 20 million humans. Just recently, a big asteroid collided with the planet's surface leaving them with a horrible dust cloud that threatens to send their world into an icy and unforgiving Nuclear Winter. Picard relates this to a similar Nuclear Winter that Earth endured in the late 21st century. Foreboding alert! Where's Al Gore when you need him?

Saving Earth one sassy robot at a time.

Thank God Geordi's on the case - he's already got a solution and is ready to help those poor, dusty humans when -- what's this? The Enterprise experiences a rift in the space/time continuum! Lt. Worf advises Picard to return to the site of the distortion to investigate as it left some cool, shiny object behind. Suprisingly, Picard agrees. Hey, he was right! There is a big shiny thing there! And now there's a weird, art-teacher-looking dude on the bridge...

Maybe more like one of those cult-y people in airports...FRUMPSTER.

This guy's ^^^ name is Professor Something Rasmussen and he is from the 26th century! Now, as you all know, TNG takes place in the 24th century. WHAAAA??

That's right, Mr. Peabody!

Prof. Rasmussen, before explaining his presence, begins to indulge himself in a giddy raid of the bridge, commenting that everyone from his time knows the U.S.S. Enterprise NCC-1701D and its famous Captain Picard. Needless to say, Picard is outraged and humbled and confused and who the hell is this guy anyway?

Don't you just love it when he pops in?

Prof. Rasmussen explains that he is a historian specializing in "interstellar issues" [whatever THAT means...] from 200 years in the future.

Aaaand that's kind of it.

Naturally suspicious, the crew decides to ask the Prof. certain questions that only someone from his time could answer. Like, "Why do people dress like weirdos in a couple centuries?" or "Who do you think you are, you twitchy freak?" Nope. Instead, Dr. Crusher wants to know if some disease gets cured - boooring! Somehow, lots of questions are asked and none get answered. Rasmussen likes to reiterate that whole, "I'm from the future and can't really tell you anything for fear of changing my present, bla bla" spiel every few minutes. Sure is convenient...

"No, Dr. Crusher. The disease has not been cured, and in fact became an epidemic after you accidentally administered a contaminated vacci--I, uhh, I've said too much..."

Of course, everyone is convinced and the episode makes its natural progression to Ten Forward, where Guinan can shed some light on everything and some sexy co-ed officers can get their flirt on. Riker, Worf, and Dr. Crusher are trash-talking Prof. Rasmussen when he waltzes in and insists they all take a very detailed questionnaire. Nuh uh! To make it even worse, he keeps blabbing about this "event" he came to witness and how he can't say anything more than only that.

Rasmussen's "sexy-face."

Rasmussen's myspace selfie.

Cut to: Sick Bay. Troi and Dr. Crusher. Gossiping about Rasmussen. Again. Troi admits that she in no way trusts this guy, and when he comes sauntering in again, she makes a quick and flustered exit. Dr. Crusher is all alone with the Prof. and he makes a hilaarious pass at her. She's obviously disgusted and tells him she could be his great great grandma. Nice dodge, Bev.

Ew, right?

Anyway, this mysterious event is about to happen, and Rasmussen calls everyone to the bridge to witness...

NEXT MAJOR PLOT POINT

Starring

Prof. Rasmussen as The Historian

Data as The Android

and

Penthara IV as DOOMED PLANET #1!

Duh! Of course! He's here to see "Get-Rid-of-Dust Mission: Impossible" on Penthara IV. Oh yeah...Penthara IV...

Meanwhile, uhh - whoops...

Right! Geordi La-Fix-it-Forge is on the task! Temperatures are rising to balmy conditions and they save Penthara IV forever! Yay! Rasmussen congratulates the crew and goes to find Data for some reason.

A-ha! Androids DO get earwax!

Data is in his quarters listening to 4 pieces of loud classical music at the same time.

Classic. Data.

Geordi calls him down to the bridge [uh oh, I think it's Penthara IV related...] and Rasmussen follows, but, only after STEALING A TRICORDER! Noooo! We should have listened to Troi!!!

Gets me every time.

Okay, so twitchy ol' Prof. Rasmussen is a lying theif - knew it.

Maybe he's just going through a Winona phase...

Also, something's happening down on Penthara IV and it's NOT GOOD. Geordi fills us in, "Something about clearing TOO much dust away and now volcanoes are erupting or whatever, but we have a solution! It'll save EVERYONE! Only thing, if it doesn't work, and there's a huge chance it won't - it will most definitely kill everyone immediately. Including myself." [he was on the planet I think?]

Literally couldn't find a picture of Geordi looking sad.

Picard has a serious decision on his hands. Go ahead with Geordi's new plan and possibly kill thousands, or chicken out and possibly kill millions! He decides to consult Prof. Rasmussen on the matter - by grilling him for the right answer. "Come on, tell me tell me tell me what happens!"

"So, you're, uh, not gonna tell me, huh? [Dick.]"

Yeah, he pulls that whole "don't ask me anything - I'm from the future" schtick again.

"It's not YOU, it's ME."

Picard delivers a beautiful monologue about the importance of every life and the responsibility of knowledge, but, ultimately he has just had it. He takes urgent action and decides to go for the cool new thing Geordi thought up.

Take THAT Nuclear Winter/Volcano Apocalypse!

And everyone dies! Just kidding, everything's fine and all the people are saved and Picard and Geordi are great. Time for Rasmussen to get the hell out of here and everyone is excited to see him off in his shiny time machine. But! Not before they nail him for that tricorder he stole! And all that other stuff, apparently!

Worf's famous stink-eye.

"Stealing is WRONG and must be PUNISHED BY DEATH!"

Or, just send Data in his time machine with him to see what's up.

"...and over here is where I keep all the stuff I steal!"

Yep, he's a lying thief.

Clincher: HE'S NOT FROM THE FUTURE, GUYS. He's from the PAST!

He explains, "Oh, there WAS a guy from the future, but he came back to the 22nd century where I'm actually from. So, I killed him and stole his time machine, came here, stole your stuff, and now I'm going to steal YOU, DATA!"

Don't worry - Data easily overpowers his scrawny frame and sends his time machine back to the past without him - leaving Rasmussen to be judged by a cruel jury of his "peers" in the 24th century. ]

CASE CLOSED.

Fun Fact:

Long time Star Trek fan, Robin Williams, was supposed to play the role of Prof. Rasmussen, but turned down the opportunity to play the title role in Patch Adams. I mean, Jack. Or Peter Pan in Hook. Whatever.

S5:E2 Darmok

Synopsis: Ok, so really great and weird episode. Definitely ONE OF MY FAVORITES.

"I thought all your favorite episodes were Dixon Hill related!"

So, the Enterprise receives communications from an alien species, The Tamarians, who have a reputation for being just completely incomprehensible. The Universal Translator just goes, "Uhh...I dunno..." and everyone just sorta says, "Eh, one alien species we can't communicate with ain't so bad. Let's never try to rectify this." Here I am trying to picture this wacky alien species that has left all of the Federation and human race completely dumbfounded and scratching their heads. Some sort of hideous monster race, or a floating cloud of space dust for sure...

"I think I've been to enough conventions to know how to spell Melllvar..."

Well, they look like this:

"I'm sorry, you'll have to speak up, I'm ridiculously similar to your species."

Whaaaa?? Besides some long-ass nostrils and definite Klingon forehead action, this dude looks just like us! Why can't we at least communicate through body language? Ohhh, I see. Their language must be so jarring that the mere tone of their voice is too horrific for humans to even stand! Maybe??? 

OH WAIT. THEY SPEAK ENGLISH.

"No, I said, 'VERY NICE TO MEET YOU, CAPTAIN PICARD. I LIKE YOUR INFORMAL CAPTAIN'S SWEATER.' Jeez!"

All right, back to the plot. So, This particular Tamarian is Captain Dathon. He is trying to relay a message to Picard on the enterprise by repeating, "Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra! DARMOK AND JALAD AT TANAGRA!" Okay, okay, I'm starting to see why this species is hard to deal with - THEY DON'T MAKE A LICK OF SENSE.

Derrr....huh?

The crew is obviously not getting anywhere with these weirdos, and the Tamarians know it, so they steal/beam away Picard and dump him on the planet they're orbiting, El-Adrel, with their Captain Dathon. Dathon throws a knife at Picard and repeats, "Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra." Picard mistakes this gesture as aggressive, and immediately refuses to duel Dathon.

"I shan't have a scuffle in my new Captain's Jacket."

Dathon seems frustrated, but settles down for the night next to a fire. When he sees that Picard is cold, he shares his fire with him and says, "Temba, his arms wide."

PICARD - HIS ARMS WIDE!

Slowly but surely, Picard starts figuring out what the hell Dathon is babbling on about. With no help from the crew on the Enterprise (Riker is angry and making rash decisions), Picard makes the discovery that Dathon is speaking in metaphors that relate to his own species' folklore. Darmok and Jalad were enemies who did not understand each other. They came together on Tanagra, and island, where they fought off a mutual foe - a crazy beast! Then they became friends and left the island together - forever sealing their BFF status, "Darmok at Tanagra. Jalad at Tanagra. Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra. The Beast at Tanagra. Darmok and Jalad on the ocean." This sequence seals the deal for Picard and he finally gets it. What a delight - this dude just wants to befriend the Federation, and is literally willing to die for it. Wait, so that means...

Darmok and Jalad sucker punch invisible beast.

THEY HAVE TO FIGHT A BEAST. This one is invisible (see above picture).

Remember when I said Riker was making rash decisions? Well, since he has no idea what is going on, he still is. He breaks through the planet's no-beaming shield, and gets a hold of Picard - leaving him in this half-beamed, half-present, quasi-solid state. JUST WHEN THE BEAST STRIKES!

Picture this, minus the Borg lady, plus the planet El-Adrel, minus the Enterprise, plus his new Captain's Jacket. Plus invisible beast.

Poor Dathon is left alone to fight off this beast - and of course receives a fatal wound. Picard is released just in time to see Dathon die. He says, "Picard and Dathon at El-Adrel." Ugh, I just got chills. Meanwhile, Troi and Data have just uncovered the Tamarian Language mystery and explain it to everyone [about time, guys...].

"O soft, but what light through yonder window breaks. 'Tis the East and Darmok is the sun!"

Bla bla, Picard is back on the Enterprise and is communicating fluently with Dathon's crew. They relays that Dathon is dead, ("Shaka, when the walls fell...") and that they completed the whole Darmok-Jalad-BFF thing. End-o-story. GREAT EPISODE. Here's the Tamarian "alphabet" for you guys to pour yourselves over. I know I did!

Something else:

This is the first episode where Ashley Judd is introduced as Ensign Robin Lefler.

SPOILER ALERT: Ashley ends up DATING WESLEY CRUSHER.

Merry Christmas, Trek-o-rama fans!

S4:E11 Data's Day

Synopsis: Get ready - DATA HEAVY EPISODE! As if not all of them are...so this one starts off with Data narrating and describing how he is documenting his day-to-day life for some scientist who wants to see what androids do in their free time. Data proves himself to be VERY nerdy...he even has a cat! Named Spot. Classic Robot.

Little Spot...I WILL DESTROY YOU.

Anyway, the REAL plot of the story comes when we find out that Data's daughter, Keiko, is getting married to Cheif O'Brien. Ok ok, Data has a daughter? I don't know, but he is referred to as the father-of-the-bride a couple times. Don't worry - there's absolutely no explanation. Keiko has cold feet and wants to call off the wedding. Data, theorizing that this will make Keiko happy, encourages her to do so. And she does.

Trouble in paradise? Oh yeah, Keiko just called off the wedding. Nice one, Data.

After La Forge smacks some sense into Data and tells him the wedding will go on as planned, Data seeks the help of Dr. Crusher for some dancing lessons to prepare for the wedding. A HILARIOUS holo-deck sequence ensues, including Data completely showing up Crusher's years of training with his android amazingness, and well here: just watch it.

Ahh, tap dancing. The most appropriate dance for weddings.

Terrifying.

Another subplot is introduced. What was it...oh yeah! So, the Romulans and the Federation want to have NEGOTIATIONS. Absolutely unheard of. So, to show good faith, the USS Enterprise brings aboard a Vulcan Ambassador to oversee the proceedings. Later she ends up dying. Oh wait, no she didn't! She was a Romulan! What a twist! [Even though she made obvious attempts to weasel into the ship's mainframe.] And everyone feels betrayed. Wahp wahp...

"Data, what are all the security codes on this ship?" "I do not understand." "Ah, right right - nevermind. Good. Good. Just testing you..."

So anyway, Keiko and Chief O'Brien end up getting married. Data concludes his log entry to that scientist guy by explaining that while there are several human emotions Data does not understand, he understands love and friendship. If you ask me, he is MORE HUMAN THAN US ALL.

Best part [besides tap-dancing Data]:

Seeing everyone in their formal uniforms. Look at Troi! [Keiko's wedding dress: OUTRAGEOUS. Is that a braid in the back? Ridiculous.] 

S3:E23 Sarek

Synopsis: The Enterprise crew agrees to host a conference in which Ambassador Sarek, a stereotypical Vulcan, will do something...negotiating trade relations between someone and someplace? Bla bla bla, eventually everyone is at a Mozart recital (where Data is 1st Violin, and is asked to play in the style of some famous violinist no one's ever heard of probably). Also, they are clearly playing Brahms.

"I detect in-tune harmonies and appropriate stylings."

Sarek starts crying in response to Data's beautiful technique and musicianship and is escorted out by his human wife (2nd human wife...) Scandalous Vulcan behavior alert!

"Really, I'm okay - you know what small chamber music recitals do to me..."

Meanwhile, the rest of the Enterprise is experiencing hilarious bouts of rage and irrationality, including an all-out-bar-brawl in Ten Forward.

Guinan's Sassy Looks: #26

Blee bla, oh no! Ambassador Sarek has a weirdo disease that makes him cry like a baby and makes everyone around him glove slap each other! The only way to solve this problem is for Ambassador Sarek to MIND MELD with someone to ease his emotions long enough for that conference thing to happen, and for the enterprise to punch themselves to sleep. Of course, Picard offers to be the bearer of all Sarek's emotions, and they never saw him again. Just kidding! Everything was fine.

After many complaints about Vulcan hygiene, and with the Bird Flu going around, the Federation changed "Mind Melding" to "Hand Melding." 

Favorite Scene: A heated argument between La Forge and Wesley (can't remember about what, but I remember Wesley was being an idiot.)

Okay, this pic's not at all from this episode, but...WHERE DID THAT VEST COME FROM.

Other Great Stuff: Happy Belated Father's Day, Sarek!

 

Don't! You'll make him cry again!

TREKORAMA - remix

Ra-ra-ra-ra-remix!

So, I decided to move on to Star Trek: The Next Generation before finishing the original series. Deal with it!

I will be jumping around all seasons, so keep up. See ya later, consistency!

S1:E2 Charlie X

Synopsis: A young and creepy boy, Charlie Evans, is dumped off on the Enterprise by a nearby cargo ship. Charlie, who was the sole survivor of a spaceship crash as a small child, has somehow developed weird, psychic powers that the Enterprise will soon come to experience. He becomes obsessed with the first human female he sees - Nameless Yeoman #1 (actual name: Janice Rand, but she hilariously and unknowingly is never referred to by name), and, uhh, comes on a little strong, to say the least. Anyway, he basically goes around doing weird crap like turning meatloaf into turkeys and blowing up ships. Eventually, Charlie is taken away by glowy, alien heads called Thasians and they, knowing that he is crazy, apologize for his behavior and reverse everything that Charlie screwed up.

I love you, Janice - Uuggghhhhh ooohhhh yyeeaaahhhhh.......

Come on, Charlie - let's be glowy heads together.

Mike's Thoughts: I've got to say, this was a pretty good episode. Charlie has ridiculous powers ranging from blowing up ships to turning some girl into a lizard. I'm glad they didn't tie him down to just one cool power. Also, there was three-dimensional chess, which was pretty cool, and, as you see later, a crazy space jam with Spock and Uhura.

3D Chess: cool game? or coolest and greatest game ever?

Anna's Thoughts: Fave episode so far, definitely. Best Hair goes to Yeoman Rand for her checkerboard beehive, and she actually takes the cake for Best Yeoman, too, in my book. (What's a Yeoman? Who knows!) Also, anyone know what the numbers of Kirk's supposed "star dates" mean? Me neither - and I guess neither does Wikipedia. Anyway, 50 minutes well spent. I think I'm going to like Yeoman Rand-heavy episdoes. And space lute-heavy ones, too.

Mmmhmm, girl! You put the YOW! in Yeoman!

Best part we can't stop talking about:

So, for some reason, a musical scene including Uhura's smoky, jazz singing talents and Spock's "space lute" playing is in this episode. And it takes up like, 10 minutes. It's awesome, sing it, girl!

Play me that sweet, sweet, space music. Also tune that thing.