Saturday, May 18, 2013

S5:E9 A Matter of Time

Get ready, Trekkers - we're about to do some good ol' fashioned TIME TRAVELING.

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We just need to get the Enterprise to 88 MPH!

Synopsis: So, the crew is on their way to Penthara IV, a planet where the Federation dumped a colony of 20 million humans. Just recently, a big asteroid collided with the planet's surface leaving them with a horrible dust cloud that threatens to send their world into an icy and unforgiving Nuclear Winter. Picard relates this to a similar Nuclear Winter that Earth endured in the late 21st century. Foreboding alert! Where's Al Gore when you need him?

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Saving Earth one sassy robot at a time.

Thank God Geordi's on the case - he's already got a solution and is ready to help those poor, dusty humans when -- what's this? The Enterprise experiences a rift in the space/time continuum! Lt. Worf advises Picard to return to the site of the distortion to investigate as it left some cool, shiny object behind. Suprisingly, Picard agrees. Hey, he was right! There is a big shiny thing there! And now there's a weird, art-teacher-looking dude on the bridge...

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Maybe more like one of those cult-y people in airports...FRUMPSTER.

This guy's ^^^ name is Professor Something Rasmussen and he is from the 26th century! Now, as you all know, TNG takes place in the 24th century. WHAAAA??

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Prof. Rasmussen, before explaining his presence, begins to indulge himself in a giddy raid of the bridge, commenting that everyone from his time knows the U.S.S. Enterprise NCC-1701D and its famous Captain Picard. Needless to say, Picard is outraged and humbled and confused and who the hell is this guy anyway?

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Don't you just love it when he pops in?

Prof. Rasmussen explains that he is a historian specializing in "interstellar issues" [whatever THAT means...] from 200 years in the future.

Aaaand that's kind of it.

Naturally suspicious, the crew decides to ask the Prof. certain questions that only someone from his time could answer. Like, "Why do people dress like weirdos in a couple centuries?" or "Who do you think you are, you twitchy freak?" Nope. Instead, Dr. Crusher wants to know if some disease gets cured - boooring! Somehow, lots of questions are asked and none get answered. Rasmussen likes to reiterate that whole, "I'm from the future and can't really tell you anything for fear of changing my present, bla bla" spiel every few minutes. Sure is convenient...

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"No, Dr. Crusher. The disease has not been cured, and in fact became an epidemic after you accidentally administered a contaminated vacci--I, uhh, I've said too much..."

Of course, everyone is convinced and the episode makes its natural progression to Ten Forward, where Guinan can shed some light on everything and some sexy co-ed officers can get their flirt on. Riker, Worf, and Dr. Crusher are trash-talking Prof. Rasmussen when he waltzes in and insists they all take a very detailed questionnaire. Nuh uh! To make it even worse, he keeps blabbing about this "event" he came to witness and how he can't say anything more than only that.

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Rasmussen's "sexy-face."

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Rasmussen's myspace selfie.

Cut to: Sick Bay. Troi and Dr. Crusher. Gossiping about Rasmussen. Again. Troi admits that she in no way trusts this guy, and when he comes sauntering in again, she makes a quick and flustered exit. Dr. Crusher is all alone with the Prof. and he makes a hilaarious pass at her. She's obviously disgusted and tells him she could be his great great grandma. Nice dodge, Bev.

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Ew, right?

Anyway, this mysterious event is about to happen, and Rasmussen calls everyone to the bridge to witness...

NEXT MAJOR PLOT POINT
Starring
Prof. Rasmussen as The Historian
Data as The Android
and
Penthara IV as DOOMED PLANET #1!

Duh! Of course! He's here to see "Get-Rid-of-Dust Mission: Impossible" on Penthara IV. Oh yeah...Penthara IV...

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Meanwhile, uhh - whoops...

Right! Geordi La-Fix-it-Forge is on the task! Temperatures are rising to balmy conditions and they save Penthara IV forever! Yay! Rasmussen congratulates the crew and goes to find Data for some reason.

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A-ha! Androids DO get earwax!

Data is in his quarters listening to 4 pieces of loud classical music at the same time.

Classic. Data.

Geordi calls him down to the bridge [uh oh, I think it's Penthara IV related...] and Rasmussen follows, but, only after STEALING A TRICORDER! Noooo! We should have listened to Troi!!!

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Okay, so twitchy ol' Prof. Rasmussen is a lying theif - knew it.

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Maybe he's just going through a Winona phase...

Also, something's happening down on Penthara IV and it's NOT GOOD. Geordi fills us in, "Something about clearing TOO much dust away and now volcanoes are erupting or whatever, but we have a solution! It'll save EVERYONE! Only thing, if it doesn't work, and there's a huge chance it won't - it will most definitely kill everyone immediately. Including myself." [he was on the planet I think?]

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Literally couldn't find a picture of Geordi looking sad.

Picard has a serious decision on his hands. Go ahead with Geordi's new plan and possibly kill thousands, or chicken out and possibly kill millions! He decides to consult Prof. Rasmussen on the matter - by grilling him for the right answer. "Come on, tell me tell me tell me what happens!"

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"So, you're, uh, not gonna tell me, huh? [Dick.]"

Yeah, he pulls that whole "don't ask me anything - I'm from the future" schtick again.

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"It's not YOU, it's ME."

Picard delivers a beautiful monologue about the importance of every life and the responsibility of knowledge, but, ultimately he has just had it. He takes urgent action and decides to go for the cool new thing Geordi thought up.

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And everyone dies! Just kidding, everything's fine and all the people are saved and Picard and Geordi are great. Time for Rasmussen to get the hell out of here and everyone is excited to see him off in his shiny time machine. But! Not before they nail him for that tricorder he stole! And all that other stuff, apparently!

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Worf's famous stink-eye.
"Stealing is WRONG and must be PUNISHED BY DEATH!"

Or, just send Data in his time machine with him to see what's up.

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"...and over here is where I keep all the stuff I steal!"

Yep, he's a lying thief.

Clincher: HE'S NOT FROM THE FUTURE, GUYS. He's from the PAST!

He explains, "Oh, there WAS a guy from the future, but he came back to the 22nd century where I'm actually from. So, I killed him and stole his time machine, came here, stole your stuff, and now I'm going to steal YOU, DATA!"

Don't worry - Data easily overpowers his scrawny frame and sends his time machine back to the past without him - leaving Rasmussen to be judged by a cruel jury of his "peers" in the 24th century. ]

CASE CLOSED.

Fun Fact:
Long time Star Trek fan, Robin Williams, was supposed to play the role of Prof. Rasmussen, but turned down the opportunity to play the title role in Patch Adams. I mean, Jack. Or Peter Pan in Hook. Whatever.

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